Root of Inspiration

It’s great to stay informed of what is happening around you, but it’s also okay to take a step back for the sake of your own mental health (something I forced myself to do).

I’m a visual person, so I have to create mixes of visuals and themes for me to gather inspiration. These are just a few of the things I’m dreaming of (gold J. Hannah ring, blue Zara skirt, and Manolo slingback pump).

 

All other images via my tumblr Mermaid-Wishing.

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I am an Immigrant

I thought hard about whether I wanted to publicly put these words out there, for anyone with internet access to read. I thought about how some people would think, “this is not the place for politics” or being viewed as just another dramatic mad woman. A *Latina woman. But then I also thought, silence is compliance, and I am a very mad Latina woman who will NOT choose to comply to the hatred.

It has taken 6 days, 6 days for my world to become full of fear and overwhelming sadness. I don’t really know how to describe it, but I have had this knot in my throat that has made it tough to swallow, getting worse with every passing day. Let me go into detail as to why.

As a child, I lived with my grandparents, who raised me until the age of 3.  All while my mother, a Mexican immigrant, was working in the U.S. saving enough money to return for me and start a new life in the “Land of the Free”. I’ve always read that children at such a young age absorb everything like a sponge. From personal experience, I have to admit that I believe this to be true.

My first language was Spanish. My first dish from my grandmother was sopita de pollo. My first nickname from my grandfather was la reina. I adored them as if they were my own parents. I cannot imagine how difficult it was for my mother, a first time mother, to miss her daughter’s first steps, first words, or first fit about having to eat vegetables. Little did I know, my mother was doing all of this so that I could have a better future, and live fearlessly to do whatever I could dream of.

I am now an adult. A United States Permanent Resident with a career, an interracial relationship, speaking fluent English and Spanish, and doing everything I please. I have seen my mom struggle, count her coins, count her blessings, pick herself up, work harder, and succeed as a single mother, and as an immigrant. There will never be enough words in the world for me to use to describe how grateful I am for this woman. She embodies the true meaning of “Mexican Immigrant”.

On June 16th, 2015, a television personality formally announced his candidacy for president, shortly followed by this statement:

“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.”

My heart had never sunk deeper. Was my mother a criminal? Was I the problem that she was bringing along with her?

Today, the television personality who is now the president has signed an executive order to build a wall between both of my homes. With shaking hands and the knot in my throat getting bigger by the second, I texted my mom, “Porque nos odia tanto? Gano mama. El hombre malo gano.” (Why does he hate us so much? He won mom. The bad guy won.)

To be honest, I’m not very sure where I am headed with this. Maybe I just needed to let it all out. Maybe I just wanted to let all of my “friends” who are supportive of this television personality know that they are not my friends. They support someone who is directly telling my mother that she is not welcomed here and that I am the problem that shouldn’t have been brought over. Maybe I’m just hurt, or maybe I just don’t want to be silent thinking “oh that can never happen, people could never support that!”

Maybe all I wanted to really do is educate some people and spark a much needed conversation. A conversation to stop political theatre at the expense of civil liberties.

 

In Loving Memory of my grandmother, Modesta Partida Guzman.

 

Want to help but don’t know how? You can support California’s SB 54 bill HERE.

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Women Supporting Women

In a world where a woman with years of experience can be beat by a man with wrong intentions, our hopes for equality can easily be shattered. As we prepare to go down an unfamiliar road with so much outcry against our basic human rights as women, we need to strengthen each other. We might forget our worth, have to push twice as hard to prove ourselves, and even become paranoid as if the world is against us. As frightening as this all may be, you need to remember that I have your back, and quite frankly, so do a lot of other wonderful women.

Gradients from – colorfulgradients.tumblr.com

 

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Welcoming 2017

Every year, I look back at the previous year and think “wow I’ve grown up so much,” but in all honesty, I will always say that at the end of the current year. I think that’s how you know you are not at a standstill, because you are ever changing and growing. I don’t get very personal on here, so you should be warned, I’m about to get REAL candid right now:

I’ve gone through a lot in 2016. Some good, some bad, but overall emotional (af!).

2016 was the year that racism was more normalized than any other time I’ve been alive. I am going to relate that to a presidential candidate leading the way of those actions.

2016 was the year the someone hurt me very personally by putting the love of my life in immediate danger.

2016 was the year I lost the woman who I owe a lot of my art influence and colorful heritage to, my grandmother (Grandad, I am so sorry you have lost your wife of 74 years, and if I could take all of your pain away, I would do it in a heartbeat. Mom, I am so sorry you lost the woman who taught you to be the strong badass mother that you are.).

2016 was the year I moved in with a man (this was interesting and fun; I broke all my cultural norms here. Sorry mom!).

2016 was the year belittling a woman became normalized (I cried a lot…. A LOT… and then some more… and then I sucked it up and became a Nasty Woman). Again, I am going to relate that to a presidential candidate leading the way of those actions.

2016 was the year I lived right in the center of a #BlackLivesMatter march/riot, and I learned so much from my fellow POC (your lives do matter).

2016 was the year I started paying my student loans and learned first hand that our educational system is based on the stress of a price.

2016 was the year I traveled to: NYC, Charleston, Savannah, Atlanta, Los Angeles, Nashville, Mexico, and probably a handful of other places I can’t think of right now.

2016 was the year I started so many great friendships, and I am so thankful for them.

These are all things my naive younger self wouldn’t have been affected much by. I realized I have paid more attention, am more sensitive to situations that affect a larger group of people, am loudly supportive of others fighting for themselves and their rights, and want to be a part of bigger things. These are all details that I never realized “adults” were a part of.

2016, you were a big pill to swallow. 2017, I am now ready for the challenges. Bring it.

 

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